The Criteria

Being that this blog and this mode of thought is a slight shift in perception for me, I want to set up some ground rules. Do understand, over the past week I have had several "ah ha moments" (gotta love Oprah for coining that term) that have led me to acknowledge that fact that my entire dating history has been serial casual dating. The thing that's different in my mode of thought is I've decided to release the need to seek love and begin to simply seek fun.

Also, I intend to force myself against my own instincts to date as many man as possible and to force myself to not be so closed off, so picky and to start giving men a chance. I vito men way too quickly and then say to my friends, "I never meet any men." The reality is I meet men all the time, I just won't take there calls or answer their texts messages, etc.

Another thing that has to change is my reluctance to go on dates. I think, because I spent the majority of my teens through 20's with 'Stupid #1' (that's what we'll call him and believe it or not, he knows I call him that and finds it endearing) I missed out on all the dating you're supposed to be doing during that time. So for me, going on dates is uncomfortable and honestly I'm still trying to figure out what I should expect from a date. If you have any ideas, please do share!

So anyway, I figure I need to set up some ground rules for my 'study.' Something that I can refer to periodically to remind myself of what it is I want and need out of my 'research.' From time to time, I'm sure there will be exceptions to the rules but I just want a general guideline. The list will be a living document and will be updated as I'm made aware of deal breakers, or general behaviors that displease me. So here we go with the list:

1. SHINEY & NEW. The men I date must be 'new.' Men I have no history with. While there are a few men from my past I still think about...well to put it plainly, the shit didn't work the first time, why keep slamming my head into a brick wall?

2. SEXY, SEXY. I've got to be physically attracted to a man I'm involved with or at minimal find him charming enough that I could see becoming attracted to him in the future.

3. A for EFFORT. The men I date have to put forth a bit of effort. I'm not asking for the world but, I'm a girl, I want to be wooed a little. Charm me a bit, make me feel special. Over are the days of me being layed up in your apartment watching movies night after night. I intend to put forth effort as should you.

4. SMOOCHES. This is more of a deal breaker, one I recently discovered. I had been involved with this guy on and off for quite some time. He was always a little weird about kissing, which I always found insulting but I let it go. However, the last time I saw him he refused to kiss me during sex. I was so insulted I almost walked out during the act but I didn't want the drama, I didn't want a conversation, so I finished. The next morning I left while he was asleep. We haven't talked since. This is the point, if we're sleeping together, I like you, it doesn't mean I want to marry you, or a be in a relationship with you but I need to know you like me too. Don't make me feel like I'm simply a vessel for you to expel your sexual energies into.

5. SAFETY FIRST. Gentlemen, why in this day and age would you ever think it's a good idea to invite a girl to your home for a first date? Aside from thinking the obvious, "Maybe she'll have sex with me." But really, it's not safe for you or her. And ladies, if you do make this rookie move and go to a man's house for a first date, at least text message his name and address to a friend. Hell, I let my friends know who I'm with and where I am for about the first month. Can't ever be too careful. Needless to say, I won't be going to your place for the first date.