Having Your Wings Clipped

So, I am very aware of the fact that I've been absentee for quite some time now. The reason you ask? I've had no motivation to write for the past several weeks. On January 7th, I was in an accident. I broke both my ankles leaving me unable to walk or pretty much do anything for myself. But don't worry, this is just temporary. That's not to say the accident wasn't bad, because it was. However, I will get through it...in about 4 to 6 months.

Now that we've got most of the who, what, where, when, why's out of the way. Let me explain what's been going on these past several weeks. First, I need to explain that one of the things I'm most proud of about myself is my fierce sense of independence. I don't like to lean on people, I don't feel comfortable asking for help, I truly believe in doing for myself and handling things on my own. This accident has forced me to need my friends and family more than I have ever needed them before. I'm in a wheelchair right now and am not able to put any pressure on either foot. What that means is that the simplest of tasks are made difficult or impossible. For example, the wheelchair doesn't fit into my friends bathroom so I would have to ask my friend I was staying with to bring me a couple of bowls of water to wash my face. Another example, I need help getting dressed and pulling up my sweatpants (I say sweatpants, because that's all I've been wearing for the past three weeks. Don't judge me :).

The next thing I need to explain is that the person in life that I most depended on was my mother who past away three years ago this coming May. So, in addition to being terrified to do anything on my own, the person I most felt comforted by, the one who I allowed myself to lean on is gone. I have a sister who I love dearly but she's a mess and my father is almost 80 years old. The day before I was discharged from the hospital, I was literally in tears, sobbing to my friend that I have no one, that it is just me. Amazingly, my friend Kathleen and her husband took me in and helped me adjust. I stayed with them for the first 2 1/2 weeks. I am more grateful to them then I can ever explain. They took me into there home at my lowest, most vulnerable point and were there for me when all I could do was cry while sitting in the hospital gown I was sent home in. They made an awkward, uncomfortable situations more bearable with kindness, love and respect. Everyday, when I think about what they did and are still doing for me, I am amazed that I could be so lucky as to have people who love me so much that they were willing to extend themselves in such a fashion. Especially factoring in that they have two kids and an aging father in their household to attend to. I am eternally grateful to Kathy and Vyk because I absolutely do not know what I would have done without them.

The next phase of this healing process is me getting back home and starting to put my life back together. Enter my dear friend Faith. I am back home now and Faith stepped up and offered to help me at home which basically means she is living with me and attending to my needs. She has been amazing! I've know her since were were young girls in "the scene" and one thing I know about the scene is that few real friendships are formed within it. Instead, you meet people you only see at night time, at the club or in the bar. But Faith, knowing me for such a long time, has made a depressing and frustrating situation easier for me to deal with by her humor, kindness and empathy. Again, I do not know what I would do without her in my life.

Then there are the others. People in my life who have shown me that it is ok to be vulnerable and to lean on others when you are down. Thank you Melanie for teaching me how to give myself an injection, dad for being the rock that I need, Jahrel for building the ramp, Krystal & Dustin for your words of support and for making me laugh, Jade for running errands for me, Jay for just being you, Kam for dealing with the landlord, Nicole for your companionship. I am certain I am not remembering everyone who has been there for me through this process but ya gotta cut me some slack, I had my third and final surgery today so I'm a bit out of it still.

Obviously, I'm taking a step back from dating for the time being. However, as it turns out, there are actually a couple of reasons. Sometimes a man will stand out and surprise you and force to take notice. But more about that later.