That Shi Cra'y!

I'm much more ok with the ending of this "relationship" than I thought I would be. Sometimes my ego and emotions become intertwined. Perhaps this is one of those occasions. I get upset at the thought that this man doesn't want me...ME! I suppose it's better to think that way then to be insecure. But then again, maybe I just needed to try one last time and needed to hear one last time, from him..."I don't have feelings for you." I don't regret going back into the situation with him. I tried to attain a real partnership with a man I cared deeply for. I tried for something I wanted and I kept my hope. Hope is something I don't want to lose. Hope in love, hope in people, hope in men...I don't want to lose those things. So no regrets. I know I'm still bothered by his departure from my life because I'm thinking of him now and writing about him now but I also know that I'm fine. In ending things with him comes sadness but also a feeling of finality. Like the ending of a scene in a film. Cut. And that actually feels pretty good. I now know with all certainty it's a no go for he and I. I do however, think he's lying to himself to some degree. That's not to say I think he's crazy about me. Obviously, he's not but I do think he feels more strongly for me than he is admitting to himself. I guess we had that in common...not recognizing emotions. I know I will still think of him, probably daily for a while, but I also know I'm good and I'm certain there is a man out there that will compliment the person I am. He will be confident in the knowledge that I am his partner and he is mine. Most importantly, he will want to proclaim that I am his, not hide me so that no one ever knows of a secret relationship. "That shi cra'y."